This is Lizzie's suggestion. Because she went into a brother's room yesterday and found a dead fish decomposing in its fish bowl. I guess the boys were waiting for a chance to hold a funeral?
I'm writing because you said I'm not allowed to talk to you about it anymore. Fine! I won't talk. And I won't even mention the magnificent creature the Braxtons are selling for 1/3 of what you would pay anywhere else. No exaggeration. I checked on the internet. But I'm not even going to mention that.
What I am going to mention is what you wouldn't let me say last night when you turned off my light and closed my door in the middle of my sentence.
I don't want a fish! I don't want an aquarium full of fish. I don't care if aquariums are good feng shui. I want a pet, Dad. Not a centerpiece.
Fish aren't pets. You can't talk to them about your problems. Well, I guess you can, but they can't hear you. They just swim around stupid. If they look at you, they stare with those unlinking goggly eyes and then you feel either stupid or freakish.
Oh, and you have to take them out of the bowl every week and clean it. So you have to catch them with the fish net and the second you pull them out of the water, they start thrashing around like they're dying. And they might be -- if they thrash enough they'll throw themselves out of the net and land on the floor before you can get them safely into the glass of water you have sitting there. And then you have to chase them all over the floor with the fish net and they get covered in fuzz and hair. And finally, you figure out that you have to pick them up with your hands. So if you're lucky and you didn't accidentally step on them and they're still alive, you scoop them up with both hands, (one hand doesn't work cause they're slimy and wriggling) and if you get them safely into the glass, then you can go throw up. That's emotionally scarring, Dad. Not what I want in a pet.
No, fish were never meant to be pets. They're meant to swim free. Who knows how much it hurts them to be pulled out of the water. They sure look like it hurts.
Okay, so maybe you can get a whole aquarium with a filter and you don't have to clean it. But they're still not pets. They're still clued out and stupid.
I want a pet I can touch (without throwing up). Don't you remember what those studies said?
I don't want fish.
Jana
Wow this is an awesome story, very well written.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I agree that a fish is really not my perfect pet, they may be more intelligent then once thought. According to an article posted by ABC news there is a fish that has been trained to play basketball, soccer and do the limbo.
This amazing fish is named Comet and his trainer/owner is named Dean Pomerleau.
According to the article:
Pomerleau said the fish training all got started because his son and daughter wanted a dog, but his wife was allergic. After they won a goldfish at a fun fair, he decided to see if he could make their new pet a little more exciting to make up for not having the dog.
By using two techniques very similar to those used to train circus animals — positive reinforcement learning and shaping (which basically means food rewards) — he has been able to teach the fish a variety of motions.
Pomerleau says the key to the success has been the feeding wand that allows one to give food to the fish at exactly the place and the time one wants to. He says Comet learned quickly that food comes from a stick that occasionally comes into the tank.
This man has been so successful that he has his own website (http://www.r2fishschool.com/) where he sells "The complete fish training kit".
So maybe the common fish is not so stupid after all :)
Amazing. I never would have guessed that fish were trainable. Dolphins... yes. But goldfish! I don't think Jana's convinced though. She's angling for a horse, although she's not even going to mention that.
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