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You don't have to use the words. The painting is the prompt. The dance was fabulous. It's past two in the morning and I really should be in bed, but I'm not the least bit sleepy. I think if I could stop the bumble bees and butterflies that are buzzing and dancing in my middle, maybe then I could sleep. But I don't want them to stop. Who needs sleep, anyway? Johnny was there. On leave for a whole week. Yes, Johnny... the monster who used to dip my braid in his inkpot and leave mice in my desk. Johnny, who teased me about my stutter -- back when I did stutter, which was just about anytime he was around. Johnny, who smelled bad, teased worse, and had a roguish grin that used to madden me because it made me like him when I wanted so badly to hate him....... I'm stopping there. Don't like the rest of it. Should have just jumped to the end... And imagine this: I thought I despised the boy. But all I needed was the way he looked at me tonight and the things he said to realize that I've never despised him. All along, all I ever felt was a longing to love. |
Monday 24 October 2011
Dear Diary...
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Dear Diary,
ReplyDeleteI can't keep from smiling as I write this entry. Remember yesterday, how I said I was so worried about my performance today? I never should have worried a bit. I sang wonderfully, I could see tears in the audience by the time I was finished (though it wasn't a terribly tragic ballad) and people were flocking to give donations when I was finished.
But better than that… Charlie came! I was heartbroken a few weeks ago when he said he couldn't make it because of work, but the sly man pulled a million strings and so he could come and he didn't even tell me!
He turned up right before my song. I noticed him come through the door as they announced 'Marianne Walkers' and I swear I nearly fainted. I'm sure my face was bright red through the whole of my performance and I tried to pull my eyes off of him but I just couldn't. Especially through the stanza where it says, "He kissed her hand and called her angel…" Oh, how I wished he'd do that to me.
But it gets better. My song was the finale of the program and then the dancing began. Charlie came to me as soon as I finished singing and told me how wonderful my voice was and how he beautiful I looked. I spent months poring over fabrics for that dress, so he was right to notice it. All green silk and Mother's fox stole. I really must say it was the nicest thing I've ever worn. (Even if Bobby did say I looked like a moose. But that's Bobby for you.)
Charlie left me after the music started up. As you can imagine, I was very disappointed to be forced to spend the evening dancing with men I don't care an eyelash for and enduring Bobby's outrageous taunting. I can't believe Mother let him come. Nine year old boys do not belong in public!
Finally, Charlie came back. I had just finished dancing with Jonathan Brooks. (Odious man. I never noticed how irritating his smile is before tonight.) I was more than pleased to be escorted away from him, especially by Charlie. He asked me to dance and it was a waltz! The first waltz of the evening!
I was so nervous I thought I would trip my way through the dance. But I didn't. It was the best dance I've ever had.
Afterward, he took me out walking in the garden. It was a cool night, but not too cold with my fox stole. We talked about everything, my lessons, his work, how annoying Bobby is… The time flew by.
At eleven, he said he had to leave. He seemed disappointed. I can't delight in his sorrow, but I felt a thrill when he said he didn't want to leave. The way he looked at me… I could swear he almost kissed me.
But he didn't. He went off home and I was left to myself until Father came to take me home.
Does Charlie love me? I know I love him. Can you love someone hard enough they love you back?
Meglet, I love this. The voice is delightful. Charming. I love "forced to spend the evening dancing with men I don't care an eyelash for" and "Nine year old boys do not belong in public!" But I especially love that final question, "Can you love someone hard enough they love you back?"
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