First off, there's still an hour to win an ARC of ENDLESSLY by entering a love poem at Kiersten White's blog here: http://kierstenwrites.blogspot.com/2012/02/very-lovely-contest.html?commentPage=2
Then, writing prompt for today is Britney Spears' "Oops I Did It Again." Prompt chosen because somebody has already written a fabulous piece prompted by that song, and I'm hoping she'll post it here. Really fabulous. Character voice is bang-on and infuriating, kind of like the voice in My Last Duchess.
Good gracious, someone else wrote crazy Britney Spears-ness? What is the world coming to?
ReplyDeleteNobody else wrote about it. Thanks for fessing up. Now.... please, please, please post that brilliant sketch.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I find it very amusing that you want me to post it here. It was just a silly thing to get back into writing for fun rather than school...
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope you're planning on commenting to tell me *why* you wanted it posted so badly.
~
“Hi, Davey.”
I must admit to a flash of deep pleasure at the way his head jerked up at the sound of my voice, how his eyes widened behind the frames of his glasses and then darted away from my face.
“Hi,” he mumbled to his notebook. His eyes strayed back to me and then darted away again when he saw I was still looking at him, his cheeks growing a shade pinker.
“How was your weekend?” I asked smoothly, flipping my hair over my shoulder and sliding into the seat beside him. His fingers trembled as he absently fidgeted with his notes and I vaguely wondered if he was giving himself papercuts.
“Good. It was good.”
“Mmm, glad to hear it. What did you do?” I murmured, resting my chin on my hand and leaning in a little closer, my eyes still fixed on his bespectacled ones. They flicked sideways to look at me, then away. Then, as if he couldn’t help it, he turned his eyes back on me again. Inwardly, I grinned. He was folding. Outwardly, I held my position: eyelids slightly lowered (to keep it from being a stare down), eyebrows raised in interest (true, the interest it betrayed was exceedingly mild, but he need not know that) mouth turned up ever so slightly in a ‘thoughtless’ smile (really anything but – I’d practiced that charming smile in the mirror for years).
“Uh,” he hesitated. “Ehem. Well. I didn’t... didn’t really do anything over the weekend,” he said, at last.
“Oh.” Ignoring the seeming inconsistency of the fact that he had previously said he’d had a good weekend, I turned sympathetic. “That’s too bad,” I said, raising my eyebrows a little higher and pouting my lips. “I didn’t do anything this weekend, either.” A soft sigh, and I turned my eyes away to look at the chalkboard at the front of the classroom. “I didn’t have anyone to do anything with.”
I could feel his eyes on the side of my face. I wanted to smile, gleeful. After a moment, I turned back to him with a semi sad smile. “Too bad, right?”
“Um, yeah,” he agreed, turning quickly to look at his notes again.
Class began and I whiled away the time by catching Davey’s eye during pauses in the lecture and smiling, eyebrows raised. Each time he’d give a shy smile back, his eyes darting to and from my face as if it were burning his retinas like the sun. I laughed to myself, enjoying each small victory. When class ended I shouldered my bag and moved slowly, as if reluctantly, toward the door.
“Bye, Davey,” I called playfully, turning to smile at him over my shoulder.
I’d taken two steps before he’d caught up with me. “Hey, Katelyn... Um, I was, uh, wondering. Are you busy this weekend? ‘Cause I know this Mexican place...”
Oops, I thought, laughing to myself. I’d played my little game a bit too well. I bit my lip and turned to look at him. He met my eye a bit easier this time. He looked more eager now, bolder. Is it wrong that I relished watching that look disappear as I turned him down?
Also, thought I'd point out, I wrote this to a specific cover of this song which can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vOJNsTDAS0. It seems, to me, much more mischievous and playful than the original.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I love this because it provokes such a powerful emotional response in me. As I read, my horror grows. I see Davey fully in the power of our MC and miserably aware of the hopelessness of his attraction to her. He jerks at her voice, his eyes widen, his hands tremble, he might be giving himself paper cuts. Gradually, he begins to hope and his confidence increases. Finally, nervously, he asks her out, and I cringe as she crushes him. Then she glibly asks "is it wrong that I relished watching that look disappear as I turned him down?"
ReplyDeleteWrong!? I want to shake her and then slap her hard, repeatedly. I want to dive in there and rescue Davey's confidence and self-respect, like I want to dive in at the end of My Last Duchess and warn the next victim not to marry him. I feel so angry I surprise myself. And I marvel that you can write this so convincingly that I react like I do. She is so attuned to his vulnerability as a tool for her power seeking and yet, so oblivious to his humanity and the injury she does him in her self-absorption that I am shocked. Grrrr.
One of the girls asked me if I could slap any character in literature, which one it would be. I didn't even have to think about it. It was this one. No question.
Oh. One more thing. The sketch is perfect. I don't think there's a superfluous word or a weakling verb or anything. Everything Davey says or does and the way he says/does it communicates his vulnerability and insecurity. And MC's thoughts betray her arrogance and heartlessness with great economy.
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeleteWell... I asked.
I am amazed at how much you got out of that. *I* didn't get that much out of it... *hugs tightly* Will you be one of my beta readers? *puppy eyes and cheesy grin*
Please, may I?
Delete