More tomorrow!!!
Friday, 16 December 2011
Articles
Okay, here's a technique I've been thinking on for a while. You rewrite a fairy/folk tale using no articles. 'Articles' as in "a", "an", "the" or "some". find a way to do without them. (another form of this "exclusive writing" is to write a page containing no words consisting of a specified number of letters. These are awesome exercises for finding synonyms, and ways to rephrase)
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Once, very long ago, there lived four pigs, who were relatives. There would have been five, but father pig had long ago gone missing. So was mother pig left alone to tend for her children, eldest of which was Reginald, who was largest as well. Next came Dora, who was never to be seen without her younger brother, Sam. They lived peacefully in Farmer Johnson’s pen, never interfering with any other farm animals business, nor harming another soul.
ReplyDeleteBut there came time when those three young swine grew incontent with such familiar life. When this occurred they chose to seek adventure outside of their humble farm, in order to give their unrestful souls time to settle. So they explained their feelings to mother pig, who, after shedding several tears, eventually gave them her consent.
So it was that three daring hogs were to be seen on Old Creek road one Saturday morning. Their hearts were light, seeming to be incapable of finding any fault in that glorious morning. But if they knew who’s attention they had attracted, their disposition would have quickly been stilled.
For, returning from his hardest hunting night of that year, Norman, one wolf of Cherry Forest, caught sight of--
And that's where the timer caught me off. I'll finish the rest tomorrow. If your lucky I'll post it as well, you guys won't believe what the wolf does next!!! (I'll give you a hint; "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll...)
I'm throwing in something I spent last Valentine's Day working on. Instead of no articles, it has no four-letter words (unless I missed one.) In defense of the zaniness of the writing style and story, I did it on a dare.
ReplyDeleteThe Three Little Swine
There was formerly a family of swine consisting of a mother, a father, and three piglets by the name of Ronald, Percy and Molly.
“Husband,” Mrs. Swine announced one day, “Our children are too old to abide in their parents’ house any longer and so we are obliged to drive our piglets out of the house.”
“Do whatever you desire, darling,” agreed Mr. Swine. “You brought our children to the world and so you may remove our children out of it.”
“You are exactly right,” Mrs. Swine exclaimed. And she ran out of the den to the kitchen, where her children were snorting up their victuals.
“Out!” she cried. “Begone, you whelps!”
The children laughed. “Mother,” Percy reasoned. “Whatever has possessed you?”
At his words, Mrs. Swine forgot herself and grabbed a butcher knife. “Begone!”
“I say–” Percy yelped.
Ronald grabbed his brother’s arm. “I do believe she means it!” he hollered. “Run!”
The children ran out the doorway and to the forest, where their flight ended.
“Whatever do you suppose could be so upsetting Mother?” Percy gasped.
“I do not possess a shadow of a conclusion!” Molly sobbed. “All I comprehend is we are forlorn and vulnerable. In danger of gruesome death, should we venture to approach our house again!”
“I’ve got an excellent proposition!” Ronald exclaimed. “We shall build our own houses and provide for ourselves!”
“I can not provide for myself!” Percy whined.
“Me? Provide for myself?” Molly asked. “Oh, Ronald! I simply can not do it!”
“Alright!” Ronald yelled. “Do whatever you fancy, but do not expect me to go caring for you without you lifting a finger to assist me!”
“I shan’t!” Molly announced. “Mr. Piggie asked me to marry him yesterday and I wasn’t partial to the thought, but if it comes to marrying him or existing under my brother’s thumb, I would rather marry him!”
“Who mentioned thumbs?” Ronald demanded. “You wouldn’t exist under my thumb! I do not posses one!”
Molly floundered for words for a moment, then ran without a goodbye. Ronald turned to Percy.
“Are you going to accompany me?” he demanded.
Percy looked after Molly. “Do you think Mr. Piggie would provide for me?”
“I do not know!” Ronald exclaimed.
Percy looked after Molly. “She was running pretty quickly…”
“Yes…?”
“I’ll go,” Percy decided.
And so Ronald and Percy set off in the world to provide for themselves. The brothers walked for quite a way and eventually met a rooster pulling a sleigh.
“Hello, Mr. Rooster!” Ronald called.
At his words, the rooster leaped off his sleigh. “Oh, noble and great sir!” he cried. “It was my destiny to wander these forsaken roads until a noble and great person should grant me greeting! You granted me greeting and now I am yours to command.”
“How perfectly splendid!” Ronald cried. He thought for a small moment. “May you present me those bricks you carry?”
“It would be my greatest pleasure!” Mr. Rooster announced. “Truly,” he added, “it would. I posses no use for bricks and bricks are heavy!”
“Thank-you,” Ronald said. The rooster began to leave but Ronald stopped him. “May I enquire how lengthy thy journey has lasted already?”
“Oh!” Mr. Rooster answered helpfully. “I set out this afternoon.”
The rooster skipped jauntily off.
“Why did you desire the bricks, brother?” Percy asked.
“To build a house,” Ronald answered.
“A house?” Percy exclaimed. “You simply can not be serious!”
“Why not?” Ronald asked.
“Brick houses are so difficult to build!”
“Ah.” Ronald nodded sagely. “But brick houses are so worth the effort. Brick houses offer great protection.”
“Protection against who?”
Ronald shrugged. “Everything.”
Percy laughed. “That’s not sufficient reason, Ronald. I’m going to go see if Molly and Mr. Piggie would provide for me. Goodbye, Ronald.”
The Three Little Swine (Continued)
ReplyDeleteOn February fourteenth, which the general populace should recognize as Valentine’s Day, Harry James Canis-Lupus planned a special surprise for his spouse, Ginerva Jayne Potter Canis-Lupus. You see, the previous Valentine’s Day, he had proposed marriage to Ginny and so he wanted to do something special for her.
Harry had proposed to her during a supper of roast swine. Roast swine was Ginny’s positive favourite victual. But swine was so extremely expensive and Harry did not receive an excessive amount of money through his job selling old carriages, so he crafted a clever course of action. He walked to the village and bought a swine-hunting license on February thirteenth.
And so Harry got out of bed at three o’ clock in the morning on Valentine’s Day to get swine for his Ginny. He had studied swine and observed where to get a yummy swine. Right beside Wolverine’s Crossing there was a group of their queer lodgings.
Harry rambled through the village, peering at the sleeping swine. He approached one house constructed entirely of straw. Within it lay the biggest swine he had had the fortune of seeing. It had to posses at least six hundred pounds of fat! He licked his chops and walked to the swine’s house.
The swine happened to be Percy. Molly and her husband had not allowed him to dwell in their house and he had built himself a sloppy shack of straw. He awoke as Harry approached and yelled for aid.
Harry heard a loud succession of snorts emitted by the swine and darted forward to catch it before it could go far. But Percy ran right out through the straw - ruining his house - and ran to Molly’s house.
Molly and her husband became flabbergasted as Percy explained his story, arrived to the conclusion he had dreamt it all and ordered him to go to sleep.
Harry followed Percy to Molly’s house and stood outside, trying to think of a course of action. He finally knelt and called out, “Little swine, little swine, let me enter in.”
To Molly, her husband and Percy it sounded as if he was roaring because he was speaking Wolfish. The swine panicked and ran out the other entrance. Harry did not see the swine and stayed at the front entrance, trying to get Percy out. Finally, he recognized the trick and ran around behind the house, where he found their hoofprints.
Percy led Molly and her husband to where he had taken his leave of Ronald. After the swine had reached there, it was not difficult to detect a large, red brick house beside the highway. The swine ran in relief to Ronald and begged him to provide refuge. He calmly obliged.
The swine had not dwelt a minute at the brick house before Harry arrived.
Harry looked in confusion at the brick house. It was neatly built and not quite new. It puzzled him to see swine dwelling in it. Surely, he thought, swine can not be close enough to having brains so as to choose a hideout so goodly. But he threw the thought aside and pulled a bit of chocolate from his pocket. “I got you chocolate, little swine,” he called. “Can you smell it?”
Harry was shocked out of his shoes as a window opened and a voice declared. “No. I actually can not smell it. And if I could, I wouldn’t go out there so you could eat me.”
“Who is in there?” Harry asked.
“Ronald Swine.”
Harry nearly fainted. “But swine can not think!”
“Stupid lie! Who thought it up?”
“I-I am not aware.”
And the whole story poured out. Harry informed the swine of his engagement anniversary and how he really had not meant to injure sentient beings. Gradually, he gained Ronald’s trust and right before daybreak Ronald let him in for a cup of hot chocolate.
Ronald and Harry had a wonderful conversation and decided to be friends, Harry decided to let everyone understand the significant intelligence of swine… or, to be exact, Ronald. And at dawn Harry hurried to his own village where he bought Ginny a pretty necklace and had a happy anniversary.
Love it. And they all lived happily ever after.
ReplyDelete